She wore an itsybitsyteenyweenyyellowpolkadot tankini? turtleneck?Muumuu?

Swimsuit season, blah. It can bring out the worst in everyone. Let me tell you, I now know from experience that pride comes before the fall. And by fall, I mean boobies (if mine could talk they would scream "Help, we've fallen and can't get up!"). In fact, nothing seems to be quite were I left it at 21 years of age. No, someone has come in and rearranged all the furniture (actually, there are 3 someone's who have stretched it out over a 6 year period). What used to look like the custom designer showcase gallery now resembles a used set from Furniture Factory Outlet. Thus the reason for the cranky mood this weekend. I heard a rumor that there were a ton of cute swimsuits at Dillard's, and yes they did look really "cute" on the hanger, but not so cute off the hanger and on the bod, and there was nothing cute about the $100+ price tag. So I left Dillard's slightly more than a little disgruntled and headed to Target.

Target had a good selection of mix and match pieces so I grabbed a few and headed towards the dressing room. When I got there the fabulously unenthusiastic dressing room attendant barely looked up from her pile of unfolded clothes and yawned "How many?" I counted the tops and bottoms and skirts and coverups and told her I had nine. "Limit's 6," she said as she rolled her eyes at me.

Look, I'm all for rules....remember in my earlier post when I so graciously explained to my son about rules and authority and all that stuff??? But there is a time and a place for bending (not breaking) rules. ---More of a flexible discretion of enforcement of said policy, and I believe this was one of those times. I tried to win her over with an "oh, come on, I really don't want to try these on and then walk back out here half naked to get the rest". Surely she would get it. It's a universal female code that no one wants to prance through the dressing room area, fluorescent lights blaring, with a swimsuit that doesn't fit and has your granny panties sticking out 2 inches from every angle. Apparently she was new to this planet and hadn't learned the code.

"Limit's 6".

This is the point of the story that I want to tell you how a spirit-filled, virtuous woman responds in a situation like this (when I get an email back from Beth Moore, I'll let you know). Until then, I'll tell you what I said.

I began looking through my pile, trying to decipher which 6 to try on first, while I glanced sarcastically back at the attendant and said "Well, let me see here, I'm trying to decide which ones I want to shove in my purse the most!"

Swimsuit season....I told you it brings out the worst.

:)

What "they" (you know the experts who know it all) don't tell you about having babies is that while you are pushing out those precious bundles of joy, 30-75% of your brain cells simultaneously come flying out as well....and just like the baby, they can't put it back in! I often tell people (or mostly to reassure myself) "I used to be really smart" (and yes, mom, I know that this is all due to the fact that you read to us EVERY night before bed ----hey did that recognition qualify as a sweet mother's day gift to you or should I still buy you something???) Anyway,
so, yes, I used to be smart, bright, intelligent, well-read, witty, blah blah blah (see, lack of brain cells) and could always whip out an A+ essay with little to no effort. This little talent of mine was put to the test today as I attempted to fill our Sawyer's kindergarten application form for a "Classical Christian" school. The form is 10 pages long and combines the standard name, address, phone number questions (I did pretty good on those!) to more thought provoking questions such as, "What, in your understanding, makes a Christian school distinctively "Christian"? and "Define in your own words what you believe is a "Classical Education" and the benefits thereof." Remember, this is ten pages long!

So I began my quest to appear as spiritually and academically wise as possible, throwing around phrases like "biblical worldview", "post modernism" "creative, yet structured learning environment" "trivium" "commitment to academic excellence" "in accordance to and founded upon" blah blah blah. So far, so good! Up until this point I'm seeing flashes of my old self, (okay, not flashes, more like a slow fluorescent bulb warming up, but hey!). And then I get to this question "How would you characterize your student's academic ability and level of interest?" Did I mention that Sawyer is 5 and this is a kindergarten application???

So I wrote..."Sawyer has developed an amazing mastery of the English alphabet and numeric system. He has been proficient in cutting and pasting and has never eaten glue".

Okay, I refrained, but by this time I had to have a little comic relief so I wrote "I would say that Sawyer is a quick learner (oh yeah, and a genius---doesn't every parent say that?)" and then to accent my cute little parenthetical side note .....drum roll please.....i drew a smiley face!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH after all the arduous work, the deliberately chosen words, the eloquent phrases, the carefully placed scripture references, I ended it all with a smiley face!

I'll let you know if he gets accepted :) or not :(


I guess I chalk this up to the fact that my name is Stacy....and that people with names like "Stacy" are allowed to draw cute smiley faces and hearts on things if we want. Sorry to all of you Katherine's and Elizabeth's that don't have that freedom!

It was supposed to be a parable.....

Act 1 Scene 1
Setting: On the way to preschool
Time: late (as usual)

Mommy: You've had so many good teachers at your school, haven't you Sawyer?

Sawyer: Yes, I've even had 2 different ones this year.

Mommy: Do you remember your very first teacher's name?

Sawyer: Yes, it was Mrs. Ostrand. She is sooooooooo nice, except do you remember that time she was mean to me at nap time? I wouldn't be quiet, so she talked mean to me.

ENTER: HEAVENLY ANGELS TO PLACE A HALO OVER MOMMY'S HEAD AS SHE BEGINS TO USE THIS MOMENT TO CONDUCT SPIRITUAL TRAINING

Mommy: Sawyer, she wasn't being "mean" to you. She was disciplining you and correcting you. When people are in authority over us, it is their job to enforce the rules. It may feel mean but it is not, it's actual good for us because it helps us obey. Just like if mommy was speeding down the road and a policeman pulled me over. He wouldn't be "being mean", he would be doing his job to enforce the law.

Act 1 Scene 2
Setting: still in the minivan, pulled over in a McDonald's parking lot, blue lights flashing
Time: 5 minutes later

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over ma'am?

Mommy: Yes, because God always seems to use this comic irony in my life for his divine amusement :) (it was suppposed to be a parable Lord!!!!!)